Breaking The Chain I Put On Myself

Last month my daughter and I had the privilege of attending a Women of Faith conference in St. Paul, Minnesota. We had such an awesome and blessed time. We bonded. We laughed. We were exhausted. We were blessed to hear some fabulous speakers, which one of those speakers was my favorite author, Lysa TerKeurst. The one thing Lysa said that stuck out to me had a huge impact on me.

Just a Speck

Sometimes the struggles we face in life can literally push us to the ground. We cannot bear the weight of the burdens we feel in our life. The valleys seem deeper and the journey to the mountaintop seems impossible.  You know God is with you. You feel Him. You know He is working behind the scenes. You know His timing is perfect. You begin to wonder how much longer you can continue to bear the weight. You feel your knees starting to buckle. You yell out to Him to hold you up.

Accountability

My best friend has started the Jamie Eason LiveFit trainer with me. Each day we text about the foods we are eating, the struggles, our workouts, and how sore we are from the workouts. We talk each other down from wanting to cave into our cravings and motivate each other to keep going. We hold each other accountable.

Help Me Lord

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We all have been in situations where we are around people that we have a hard time being around. People that are so difficult to like or even love. People who just get under our skin. People we want to avoid. People we just cannot stand. Harsh words? Yes. True for many people? Yes.

It Takes One Word

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The dog throws up. Your hair is a mess. You have not showered today because the baby will not stop crying. The toilet is overflowing because your three year old has decided to see how much toilet paper he could stuff in that hole at the bottom of the bowl. Your husband has called and he will be home late. The phone is ringing. The mailman is knocking on the door. You are still struggling with the words that were spoken during an argument with your best friend. You are still grieving over the loss of your mother.

Parenting Is So Hard

“MOOOOM, he won’t stay on his side of the car!”

“I’m not on your side.”

“Yes, you are!”

“No, I’m not!”

“MOOOM, she’s in my seat.”

“MOOOOOOOM, she’s looking at me!”

*sigh*

Parenting.

"Do As I Say, Not As I Do"

This morning on the TFN Facebook page I mentioned how our life has been a roller coaster for the last year and that I am ready to get off. I am ready to get my family back on track and I am not referring to the roller coaster. We need schedules, discipline, routines, and organization, not in just our home but every aspect of our life. Now that life has slowed down a bit we can see God revealing to us areas that need focus.

Stop Giving Up

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This was me at the beginning of the year. I was tired of starting over. I would begin setting goals that I wanted to meet and ended up looking at how far those goals were and just gave up. I was so focused on the end result that I failed to see the achievements I had already made. Then I would cave into my old way of eating and not working out just to end up gaining more weight.

The Gift We Received

In February when we were attending our nephew’s funeral, my hubby’s brother and sister-in-law had a blanket sent to the funeral home. Sadly, there was a mix up and the blanket never showed up. I am not sure what exactly went on after that, but today we received an amazing gift in the mail from my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. We knew we were to going to be getting something in the mail, but had no idea it was this:

 We absolutely love it and I immediately knew where it was going. The place it sits is where we can see it when we come from the bedrooms, living room, and no matter where you go in the house you will pass it. It truly was a blessing and I pray God pours His blessings on my husband’s brother and sister-in-law.

 

 

God is so good! Feeling very blessed today….

 



 

How Did I Stray?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Awe yes…trust in the Lord.

How did I stray from that?

Proverbs 3:5-6 was the first scripture I memorized as a new Christian. I carry that verse with me everywhere I go. To me, it fits any trial or situation one may be facing. So how did I fail to realize this when I needed it most?

Just Love

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One night last week while lying in bed, I asked Him what He wanted me to write about on the blog. I was not prepared for the answer He gave me. I, of course, questioned Him. Asking Him if that is really what He said or was that answer meant for someone else. I chuckle at that because like He really made a mistake.  I battled with the subject all last week. On Sunday at church our pastor spoke of this very subject. I guess there was no denying it now. I was to write about what He told me to write. I am giving fair warning that this is a very controversial subject especially among Christians. I ask that when you read this you read with an open heart and mind. I am not trying to get into a Biblical debate, I am just doing as I am told. Okay Lord, please give me the words…..

Lego Protection

Before I go to bed each night I always check on my two blessings. I never know what I will find when I enter their room. Sometimes it may be the awkward positions they are laying in. Or Samson snuggled up next to my daughter thinking he is a human. Or this:

 You can barely see the back of my son’s head because he is snuggled up with his blankets, but this is what I found a couple nights ago. Legos lined up watching over him as he sleeps. I just love the way children think and their imaginations.

Makes me smile.

The Best Valentine's Gift Ever

Many people celebrate Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is very important to some people. Our family does not partake in this holiday. It is a choice that the hubby and I made many years ago. Each year I hear more and more people become consumed with this holiday. Ensuring the flowers and candy has been bought. Dinner reservations made. Babysitter scheduled. For one night to show their loved ones just how much they love them.

Happy to Heavy Hearted

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Today we have been busy preparing for company. Laundry being done, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning of bathrooms, and of course shoveling (thank you to the Rockies' snowstorm coming through). 

Presents being wrapped.

Dinner being made.

As I sit down to write a post this evening I think to myself "hmmm what should I write about?"  I ask God, "Lord, you always give me something to write about...why not now?" 

No answer.

I then feel something deep in my heart starting to stir. I look back over my day.

Preparing for company. The excitement of seeing my mommy (never to old to call your mom,  mommy) and my stepdad. Spending CHRISTmas with family after being away from family for almost three years. My heart was so happy today.

Then I start to feel this deep stirring in my heart. This feeling is heavy. I am not feeling so giddy anymore. It then hits me.

My heart is hurting for Newtown, Connecticut.

As my family awaits for this CHRISTmas season and awaiting the arrival of our family members, many others out there are hurting this CHRISTmas season.

Please say a prayer for those who will not be with loved ones this year. Prayer for strength, love, and God's embrace for all those who are hurting.

Pray for the broken hearted.

Food Inc.

I have heard of this documentary called Food Inc.  I knew if I watched it my view on food would change.  I was the child that grew up on processed food and kool-aid.  When I had my children I tried to feed them healthier foods, but what I did not know was what I was feeding them.  After I moved to Maryland I met my bestest friend in the whole world, you can see her blog here.  Angela taught me many things about organic food and all-natural cleaners.  I like to call her my hippie friend ;)  Anyways, Angela opened my eyes to many things such as the hormones in dairy products and chemicals in cleaning supplies.  Slowly over time I started to replace items that we were using for more all-natural cleaners and more organic foods.

Moving to Alaska had really taken a toll on our new lifestyle that I was creating in Maryland.  The prices were much higher than Maryland and I started to feel defeated.  Over a year later I realized I have gained 25 pounds since arriving to Alaska, and my energy had decreased dramatically.  I knew exactly what caused this weight gain and energy loss.  It was not the lack of sunlight or the freezing cold weather but the food I was eating and the lack of exercise.  I was feeding my body soda, processed food, and depriving it of water.  So this past week I said enough was enough.  I went to the library and picked up the book by Michael Pollan called "In Defense Of Food."  I needed to educate myself on how to feed my family properly and learn how to read labels.

I talked to a dear friend of mine who recommended two movies to watch.  One was called "The Beautiful Truth" and "Food Inc."  Later in the evening I put the two blessings to bed and turned on the movies.  I could not believe what I was learning and what I was doing to my family's bodies.  I would highly recommend these two documentaries to anyone who wants to know about what you are eating.  

Today, I have cleaned out some of the junk we had in the cabinets and come payday I will be shopping at Fred Meyers for our food, or at least a majority of our food.  To some this may not matter but to me it is important.  I know many people who say "I have eaten these types of food my entire life and nothing is wrong with me."  I do not argue with that because I was one of those people, but I do not  know how I look internally.  I do know that when I was eating the processed food and soda I felt horrible and lacked energy.

Honestly, I never really fed my body properly and today that changes.

Cookies, Cookies, Cookies

Today for Wordless Wednesday, my hubby took some great pictures of my son and his pinewood derby car.  Unfortunately, the pictures were on my husband's phone and I forgot to upload them before he left for work.  So needless to say, I will use them next week. 

On another note, I am exhausted!  Today, my two blessings and I went to our church to prepare cookies.  No big deal, right?  Well, did I mention that our goal was to have 1,008 cookies for our women's group that was occurring this evening (Wednesday)?  No, we did not need to make 1,008 cookies because on Sunday many people from the church signed up to make cookie,s and to bring them this evening.  Our goal was 84 dozen cookies and by Sunday afternoon, after everyone had signed up, we were at 76 dozen cookies.  So we were short eight dozens.  No big deal!

We arrived at the church around 3pm and I did not get home until after 9pm!  I am exhausted!  I am happy to report that God has poured many blessings upon us this evening, and cookies!  Our final count for cookies was 1,362 cookies which comes out to 112 dozen cookies!!! Praise God!

All 1,362 cookies bagged and ready for delivery

The cookies that were donated from our church family, and the cookies that myself and other ladies made at church, will be used for deploying soldiers and their families.  We have a Chaplain that will picking up the cookies tomorrow and distributing them out to 672 soldiers and their families. Our goal was to fill 500 sandwich bags and we were able to bag 672!  All the honor and glory goes to Him!!!

Now I am off to dreamland where I am sure I will dream about cookies.

The Conversation Begins...

 The conversation begins with "little over a year from now, training and the long hours will begin."  The emotional roller coaster begins.  We prepare emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. 

The conversation begins with "few months from now I will be leaving and we need to sit down and update our wills." More preparing.

The conversation begins with "a few weeks from now...."

The conversation begins with "a few days from now I will be leaving and I need to get your honey-to-do list done."

The conversation begins with "I love you and will see you soon."

Preparing.

As you hold your son as he watches his daddy leave, you try to explain why this one time he cannot go with his hero.  You hold your two blessings close as you watch your third leave.

Preparing.

All you can do is pray.

You pray that God will wrap His arms around your precious blessing and bring him home safe.  You pray that your blessing that God has brought into your life, will be safe from illness, injury and death.  You pray God's protection upon him. 

You long to hear his voice, to feel his touch.  To say "I love you" just one more time. 

No matter how much we prepare, we will never be ready for this emotional roller coaster. 

But all you can do is pray.
 
You pray that God will give you the strength you need to make it through.  You pray that you can be a good mother, father, teacher, spiritual leader, and friend that your two blessings need.  You pray for your husband.

All you can do is pray for God's protection.  All you long for is your husband and the daddy of your children to arrive home.  Safe.

Jagged Edges

I started out rough with many jagged edges.

Hurting people with these sharp points. 

Cuts so deep that scars had formed. 

Relationships so severed that hope was gone from ever healing.  If anyone came to close the jagged edges would keep them away.  I did not want anyone close to me because I did not want to hurt so instead I would hurt them with my jagged edges.  I could not love myself so I could not possibly love anyone.  I definitely did not deserve anyone's love. 

I felt like I was in a raging river being tossed around.  My emotions going from one wave to another.  I could not stop; the river would not slow down.  I needed to stop, I needed to breath.  My edges, my safety net was starting to go away.  My defense against people, against life was leaving me.  I fought. I fought so hard.  I was not giving up. 

God had other plans. 

As I am being tossed around the waves, each jagged edge started to smooth.  Wave after wave, jagged edge after jagged edge.  My life, my jagged life, became smooth, washed away by each wave that created me to be who I am today.  A new being.   

As I sit on the shore watching other jagged edges being smoothed. I pray that they will stop fighting and allow the waves to work out the jagged edges.  As I watch I wait. 

I wait to see the newly smooth being.

Created from a rock of jagged edges.

   "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 

Fall Fun~Guest Post

Today I have a guest post by Kaitlyn. Yes, my nine year old daughter. Kaitlyn enjoys reading, singing, soccer and ballet. Kaitlyn is in the fourth grade and loves to write. So I thought why not have her write on The Forever Neighbor since she is a faithful reader. Plus, it gives us an outlook on life in the eyes of a child.

I wanted to write a little poem to welcome winter.  This is how it goes:

Spooky spider,
scary scarecrow,
rake the leaves,
then come on in and enjoy some tea.


If you missed Kaitlyn's last post please click here.

Muddin???

Living in Alaska there is one thing that I noticed many people participate in up here and that is four wheeling.  Every where you look there are four wheelers or you know of someone who has a four wheeler.  I never quite understood the whole "joy" of this four wheeling thing and then I hear people throw in how fun it is to do it while it is muddy outside.  Are you serious? Why would anyone want to go four wheeling in the mud?  I could not rationalize it; I mean you get all muddy, your clothes can get ruined, it will take you days to feel clean again, and just think about your washer...oh my goodness! 

Well, our neighbors invited us to a BBQ over the Fourth of July weekend and it included four wheeling.  Honestly, I was scared out of my mind, but I could not tell anyone that.  I mean I have to be strong and courageous.  But I was very scared I mean what if I get thrown off of this crazy machine and on top of that I would be all muddy.  I have this fear of not being surrounded by some type of structure while riding, such as motorcycles they scare me beyond belief and that is how four wheelers and snowmobiles are also.  Well, when they told me it was time to go my heart was beating faster, my hands were shaking and I probably had a little anxiety attack.  But I was playing like it was nothing.  As we started off I was telling myself "I wanna get off; I wanna go home; this is crazy" "I am gonna get myself killed!!!"  As you can see I am still alive and I have to admit four wheeling was not so bad.  My favorite part? Getting muddy!!!  I cannot believe how much fun it was to get muddy.  The best part of it all was this:

***Look at that hair***

***Four wheeling can really tire one out***

I am happy to say that everyone is okay and my hubby and son keep asking when we can get a four wheeler *sigh*