I have been debating on writing about this or not. I have prayed about it and over the weekend I decided I needed accountability. In the past I have wrote about fitness but only touched on it. I have opened the window just a little for you all to see what fitness is too me. Today, I am opening the window even more by sharing some personal feelings and struggles.
While in Alaska I absolutely stopped working out and eating right. I kept telling myself I was fine with not working out and eating right because my metabolism was still fast from my earlier workout years. I was trying to justify to myself that what I was doing was just fine. This is when I began looking into quick fixes to lose weight.
When I look back to junior high and high school I never struggled with my weight. I never thought of myself fat. Yes, I struggled with my self-esteem but weight was not really one of those struggles. I did not start worrying about my weight until after I gave birth to my daughter. All of sudden my weight was a HUGE factor to me. However, once I focused on losing the weight it fell right off. When I became pregnant with my son I still worked out through my entire pregnancy. After I had my son I had no problems getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight.
However, I still was not happy. I remember being a size eight and feeling I was fat. I could find every area on my body that I was unhappy with. When I look back to that time I realize it was not that I was unhappy with my outside body but it was more of what I was struggling with on the inside. I felt that making myself smaller would make me happier. So, I worked out and changed my way of eating. I was able to get down to a size six. Then we moved to Alaska. All that working out and eating right went out the window. I allowed my circumstances to get in the way.
|At the time of this picture I thought I was fat (size 8)|
Today, I am 40 pounds heavier than when I left for Alaska. I have battled with my weight and have tried all that I could to lose the weight. I have tried the shakes, pills, and weight loss programs. I have failed on all of them. I wanted quick fixes with me putting in little work as possible.
I blame my weight for everything. Sometimes I feel if I was back to a size eight I would be happier. Then I remember when I was a size eight I still was unhappy. I talk daily with God on this issue. I tell Him all the time I cannot do this without You. Lord, please give me the determination I need to get through this. Then I allow the enemy to take over. The temptations are too much. The eye rolls, the talking behind my back, and the comments I hear others say about “let’s see how long this last” begins to get into my head. I begin to think maybe they are right. Maybe I will always be like this; a quitter.
Last summer I dropped 15 pounds with eating clean and doing Jamie Eason’s LiveFit Trainer. Then like always I quit. I lost my motivation and allowed circumstances to get in my way. Not only did I gain the 15 pounds back but I gained an additional 8 pounds.
I need to fix this.
I know I am created in God’s image but am I treating this temple He created correctly? Am I abusing this temple?
Last week I began working on a game plan. I figured out my workout plan, which I am going back to Jamie Eason’s plan. My only issue with working out is making time for it. I always say I do not have time but really I do. I just do not make time for it. How do I fix that? Guess who now has a gym membership to a 24 hour gym? Now I cannot complain about not having time, right?
My biggest struggle is the nutrition. Jamie has a meal plan you can follow. She even has a list of foods to purchase. Awesome, right? Well, not for this mama who can still struggle in the kitchen. I felt I needed more insight in this area. I wanted someone to create a meal plan just for me. I need to know exactly how much to eat and what to eat. I found I was getting bored with the same old foods.
Yesterday, I emailed a friend to ask for help. My friend has done such a transformation (twice; she became pregnant) by eating clean and working out. The best part is she is working on getting certified as a personal trainer. I know of others she has helped so I thought I would ask her to help me. She told me that she would create a meal plan for me! I am extremely excited and cannot wait. Now I just need to ensure I try new foods. I am not a big vegetable person…blah! However, I know how important it is for me to eat them.
So, why such a long post today? What is my point? Am I turning this into a fitness blog now? My point today is I need accountability. I have close friends that I talk with about this but I know I can just “wave” them off and then I allow myself to fall off track. Now contacting my friend who is creating my meal plan I feel I cannot fall because of the time she took to create the plan for me. Plus, putting myself out there I feel my awesome readers will not let me quit. I pray you all will email me, comment, or message me on Facebook to ensure I am on track.
To be accountable I plan on posting at the The Forever Neighbor Facebook page that I have done my workout and how I did with food for the day. Then each week I will post on here how my week went. My goal is to lose the 40 pounds, however, I am wanting to focus on transforming my body. I want muscle definition. I want to be strong. I am not trying to get skinny. I am trying to get fit. I know eventually the weight will come off with my weight lifting. I am working on non-scale victories.
Today I begin to fix this temple I have damaged….