The walls feel like there are moving in. Trying to stay above water after treading it for so long can really wear someone out. Perseverance is what it will take to stay above water and not let the walls cave in. That is how I am feeling today. I am trying to persevere over whatever obstacle stands in my way today and many other days to come.
Many things are going on in my life right now and I feel so out of control. That is what God wants. He wants me to feel out of control because that is where faith comes in. Just recently I have made a commitment to further my walk with Him. I am turning to His Word in time of struggles. I am praying a whole lot more than I did before. I prayed before but not like I do now. My praying and my feelings are very different now. My prayers are wholeheartedly. I do not pray just to pray. I pray because I trust in Him. He guides me. He lifts me up. He is my Father who gives me direction, love, and wisdom. Without Him I am lost.
Past couple of days have been a struggle. The inside of me is screaming. I just want to step outside and scream at the top of my lungs. I want to throw that temper tantrum that we see little kids doing at the store. But I can't. I am a mother with two blessings watching me handle the situations we are going through. I need to show them how to react to situations. I need to show them to turn to God when they are struggling.
One of the struggles is of course finances. Yes, I would love for us to be farther down our road of becoming debt-free, but we are not. Our savings has dwindle down and we need to build it back up, while still paying our bills. One thing that the hubby and I feel is very important is paying our 10% tithe. No matter how tough it seems or how nice that 10% would be to pay other bills, we have made a commitment to tithe. We have been doing this for a couple of months now. I would say we have not tithed twice out of these couple of months and I can tell when we miss. Money always seems tighter then. However, when we tithe we are giving our tithe with love, not a feeling that we "have" too. We give wholeheartedly. As I throw our tithe envelope into the offering, I say a little prayer asking God to bless us for our obedience and does He ever!
Today was a day of a day. I just felt the world on my shoulders. My stress level is rising and I kept calling out to Him. Asking for His help. He knew exactly what we needed. After the kids' swim class today I checked the mailbox and I received a check for double what I thought it was going to be. I felt a sigh of relief. I was grateful and could not wait to deposit the money. It would be enough for us to feel comfortable until payday. Then in a short amount of time (like 20 minutes) receiving the check I had to make a payment to a pest control company. Even though it was hard to give up that check it was a true blessing. That covered more than 98% of the amount we owed. I had to only pay $24 from our checking account. If we did not have that check we would had to dip into savings.
After the pest control company left I made a couple of phone calls to lower some monthly bills and one of those calls was to my student loans. I was able to lower those by $118 a month! Again another blessing! After my phone calls I had to mail an item to a friend and then get milk. At first I was going to get milk at Wal-mart but I knew Walgreens had milk for cheaper and since I had to drive by Walgreens I would just get it there. Thank goodness I did! Milk was on clearance for 99 cents! Plus, it does not expire for three to four more days. It will easily be gone by then. Another blessing!
I truly feel and know that these blessings were for our obedience for tithing. There is no question about it. When we give wholeheartedly, God knows that. He sees that and wants to bless us for it.
I am thankful for my blessings today and I serve a Mighty God! I will now be going to make a cup of coffee (I have an 8:30 softball game tonight so coffee this late should be ok, right) and lose myself in His Word.
Blessings!
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