13 June 2012

I Am Being Selfish...What????

Since arriving home from our weekend of fun I have been so crabby and short-tempered. Hmmm, what is wrong with that sentence! I have no idea why. It started Sunday evening when I arrived home and has been with me ever since.  I am not liking it. After a spat with the hubby last night, I knew I needed guidance, grace, forgiveness, and wisdom.  So, I turned to the One who knew me best. After my Bible reading this morning, I cried out to Him. Asking Him what is wrong with me? Why am I so crabby and being someone who no one wants to be around? I could not understand what had happen since I arrived home. Nothing has occurred that would upset me. It was the opposite. Everything was great! Even though hubby worked 12 hour shifts all weekend, he still completed the laundry and the dishes. Why would I be mad about that! I was frustrated, which then made me even more mad and frustrated because I was grateful he did this. So, why was I snappy with him?

This morning I was pleading with Him to show me what is wrong. I needed help. I knew I could not make it through another day acting like I have been.  During my talk with Him, He told me I was being selfish. What?? Ummm, that is not what I wanted to hear. Clearly, He was wrong. I mean how was I being selfish? I mean have I not made dinner every night since I have been home? All the laundry was done on Monday. The house is clean. I am creating a stockpile. I was doing what I thought I was suppose to be doing.  I mean how was I being selfish? I was arguing with Him. I was throwing my temper tantrum. Of course He showed me. Wasn't I snappy each time the blessings would ask me a simple question? Wasn't I snappy when the hubby would talk about work? I was acting like they were bothering me and I did not want to hear. Wasn't I disgruntled that I had to run out and get a newspaper because I forgot to pick one up on the way home? I mean couldn't my husband do that after I just drove three hours to get home. Couldn't he stop folding laundry to run for me. Ummmm, hello selfish!

I was instantly convicted.

I am not doing what God called me to be. I am to be home with my blessings showing them God's love. Showing them what it means to be a Christian stay-at-home mom and I was failing. I am to love my husband. He works everyday and is in tremendous pain, I could at least listen about his day when he arrives home. I should be doing more for him.

I am failing.

I knew I needed Him to help me. I needed Him to guide me throughout the day. I need to be in constant prayer today. After my talk with Him, I decided that I was done with Satan getting in my way. I want to listen and follow Him. I want to do what He called me to do. I want to perform my motherly and wifely duties according to Him. I want my heart to be joyful when I do things for my family. Not hostile.

I came into my room and my son was on the computer. I asked if he wanted to make banana bread with me. He excitedly said yes. My daughter then came in and I asked her the same thing. She responded the same way. So we went into the kitchen and began our baking.  Within a few minutes the blessings began to argue over who was going to do what. I could feel my patience running thin. I mean really? We just started preparing and they are already starting? I prayed. Lord, please help me. Help me control my temper. Before I spoke I waited for His guidance. I then told the blessings that if they were going to argue then I am sorry I will bake myself. They instantly stopped. So our banana bread is almost done, and it is smelling so good! Next my son and I will attempt to build radio. I see a future blog post in the making. Then I will be taking the kids on a bike ride.

I can already see a change in my attitude today. I need to be in prayer constantly and ask Him to help me along the way.

 I am blessed.

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