This morning I was pleading with Him to show me what is wrong. I needed help. I knew I could not make it through another day acting like I have been. During my talk with Him, He told me I was being selfish. What?? Ummm, that is not what I wanted to hear. Clearly, He was wrong. I mean how was I being selfish? I mean have I not made dinner every night since I have been home? All the laundry was done on Monday. The house is clean. I am creating a stockpile. I was doing what I thought I was suppose to be doing. I mean how was I being selfish? I was arguing with Him. I was throwing my temper tantrum. Of course He showed me. Wasn't I snappy each time the blessings would ask me a simple question? Wasn't I snappy when the hubby would talk about work? I was acting like they were bothering me and I did not want to hear. Wasn't I disgruntled that I had to run out and get a newspaper because I forgot to pick one up on the way home? I mean couldn't my husband do that after I just drove three hours to get home. Couldn't he stop folding laundry to run for me. Ummmm, hello selfish!
I was instantly convicted.
I am not doing what God called me to be. I am to be home with my blessings showing them God's love. Showing them what it means to be a Christian stay-at-home mom and I was failing. I am to love my husband. He works everyday and is in tremendous pain, I could at least listen about his day when he arrives home. I should be doing more for him.
I am failing.
I knew I needed Him to help me. I needed Him to guide me throughout the day. I need to be in constant prayer today. After my talk with Him, I decided that I was done with Satan getting in my way. I want to listen and follow Him. I want to do what He called me to do. I want to perform my motherly and wifely duties according to Him. I want my heart to be joyful when I do things for my family. Not hostile.
I came into my room and my son was on the computer. I asked if he wanted to make banana bread with me. He excitedly said yes. My daughter then came in and I asked her the same thing. She responded the same way. So we went into the kitchen and began our baking. Within a few minutes the blessings began to argue over who was going to do what. I could feel my patience running thin. I mean really? We just started preparing and they are already starting? I prayed. Lord, please help me. Help me control my temper. Before I spoke I waited for His guidance. I then told the blessings that if they were going to argue then I am sorry I will bake myself. They instantly stopped. So our banana bread is almost done, and it is smelling so good! Next my son and I will attempt to build radio. I see a future blog post in the making. Then I will be taking the kids on a bike ride.
I can already see a change in my attitude today. I need to be in prayer constantly and ask Him to help me along the way.
I am blessed.