12 February 2013

Who Will You Choose?

I have always heard that the more you draw to Him, the more the enemy attacks. I have seen this first hand, but have never dealt with it like I am now. The enemy continues to attack and attack and attack some more. A person can only handle so much. I can only handle so much. I know that I am a mom and expected to be able to handle anything that comes at me. Here is a secret that I have learned: even moms have their moment of weakness. How we handle those weaknesses is up to us.

We have two choices in our moments of weakness or when we are being attacked. Our first choice is to give into the enemy. I mean that is the easiest, right? It is so easy just to allow him to have his way and then deal with consequences of us waving the white flag. OR we can turn closer to Him and ask Him to fight our battles.

For about a month I have had the enemy come out me in so many ways. I have had my moments of breaking down. Calling out to Him. Asking Him if He is even near. I am asking Him to show me what I have done to cause Him to leave me alone. “Lord, I cannot do this on my own.” The tears come more easily now and it’s harder to get out of bed each day. Oh the work it takes to put on normal clothes and how easy it is to just stay in pajamas. I mean why not? At least I feel the comfort of my pajamas. The tears continue.
I am at the point of just giving up. I feel so alone. My two blessings seem to ignore me when I speak. My hubby and I have more moments of silence towards one another than we do speaking to each other. Oh the work. The tears. “Lord, why are you giving me to much handle? Lord, I cannot take anymore.” I am breaking.

“Draw closer.”

That’s it? Draw closer? How much more closely can I get? I call on You daily. I recite Scripture during my battles. I am in constant prayer. What else can I do?

“Draw closer.”

Oh Lord! I cannot win this battle that is raging within me. I need You to fight this battle for me.
I am done.

The enemy is crushing me and I cannot fight anymore. Oh the tears will not stop. My tear-stain face cannot hide the battle that is taking over me. The tears turn into sobs. The loneliness becomes more and more. “Lord, are you there?”

“Draw closer.”

“Lord, I am on my knees. I need You!”

How can I be grateful for the things in my life when all I see is battles?

He shows me the battle I am fighting is minimal to what others are now fighting. I have two choices:

Enemy or Him

Who will I choose?

I choose to wake up reading His Word first. Equipping myself for the battles that the enemy will throw my way that day. I choose to get out of bed and stomping the enemy below my feet. I choose to get out of my pajamas and get dressed for the day. I choose to embrace my two blessings even more. I choose reconciliation with my hubby than silence. I choose Him.

“Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” Luke 18:27

Awe yes! Impossible with me it is, but it is oh so possible with Him. Give it to Him. Allow Him to fight my battles is what I choose. Oh the gratefulness I have for the choices in my life. The gratefulness that I have for Him is so overwhelming. Tears fall. Happy tears. Not tears of pain.

My tear-stain face is because of His work in my life, not the enemy’s work.

I choose Him.

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