As I hear others rejoicing in their wonderful news and me trying to be happy with them, all I can think is six years ago when the final decision was made. I can relate to the excitement and the feeling that it brings. The beauty that it holds. The beauty of bringing another life into this world.
The joy and excitement of finding out the news of the blessing growing inside you. The blessing that God has entrusted in you. Sometimes it can be hard to see that joy if one is very sick or very tired but in the end we realize how worth this all was. The feeling of the growing belly, the movement inside you; a movement only a mother can truly relate too. A father can rejoice and bond with that child but nothing like the mother. The feeling of the growing child moving within you, the dependency of this child is beyond words.
You begin to imagine what traits this blessing will have. Will the blessing have your nose? Hair color? Personality? You begin to wonder what God has planned for this little blessing. You begin to wonder what God has planned for you.
The time comes to welcome this beautiful, breathtaking, wonderful blessing into your life and into this world. You wonder if you are ready. You begin to wonder if you will be a good parent. You begin to second guess yourself. But then He is right there beside you, holding your hand. Telling you He loves you. He blows life into this new blessing that is now yours. He is giving you, a precious gift. A precious gift that you have carried for so many months. A precious gift that you have felt grow. A precious gift that you love so much before ever meeting.
A precious gift I so long for.
A decision was made six years ago that our time having our own biological children was over. We tried playing God. To this day I know it was the wrong decision and I pray that God will hear my silent prayers.
Nothing is impossible for Him.
So as I continue to rejoice with those who are welcoming new blessings into the world, I know that God has plans for me. My time may be over for the precious gift within me but I know there are more blessings in this world who need my love.
Nothing is impossible for Him.
This is a beautiful post. Sad... but maybe I am reading my own life into it as well. What a beautiful and true picture you have painted of those first few months of being a mother... when it is just you and the blessing growing inside. I'm hoping with you that God will answer your prayers and that you will have peace with however he chooses to send those blessings into your life...
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